This entry was first posted on my Patreon on September 14, 2022 and has been reproduced here in its original form.
Upon careful consideration, I've decided to make significant changes to the direction of this Patreon campaign. All posts hereafter will be displayed and shared publicly: there will be no longer be a paywall for accessing the art and writing of Vulturesong.
I want to make very clear that I deeply appreciate the faith that my early Patrons have shown me. While this account has been mostly stagnant since inception, I have kept all current subscribers fairly updated via private social media about some of the challenges I have faced in the last several months, culminating in stressful and dangerous situations for myself and my loved ones. I am not living in a safe environment, let alone one where I can sit down and produce art to fulfill these tier rewards, and at this point I am not sure how or when my trial will end. I am, to say the least, "in the shit."
While making Vulturesong free-to-access was an unexpected decision, I believe it is the right one to make. I believe art should be accessible to all and shared freely for the benefit of humanity as a whole. I recognize that this notion is incompatible with capitalism and the idea that all good ideas are products that should be tagged and priced according to how much you can coerce people into paying for them. I recognize the importance of leading by example, no matter how financially unsound it may seem at the time.
While I am vulnerable and in a precarious situation now, I used to be insulated from the whims and punishments of capitalism because I used to operate from within its machinery. I worked a salaried job for seven years — using graphic design as an oil that lubricated the gears of transaction. I was proud of my art but not of my work, and the labor was soul-crushing. Just before starting this Patreon campaign, I left my post a broken person but confident that I would be able to regain my strength and create something wonderful. I wanted to pour love back into my art, and still aim to do so. I yearned to go back to my roots, go back to the story I started 20 years ago as a child, and bring it to light, and include all the things I had loved, learned, and wanted to see represented in thoughtful art.
“Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht.” We plan, God laughs.
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Considering the changes in the campaign, my hope is that those who have the means will help support my work, and those who do not have the means will benefit from enjoying it. My purpose is to teach and to share, and my message is one of love, and knowing you love always in the face of death. This is a truth that when fully internalized dispels fear, as all fears are a fear of death, and only with love can you accept it and release yourself from fear's grip. That is a freedom that no one can take from you.
The fear of death is what fuels the fires of capitalism and fascism, the enemies of humanity, and its proponents know this. Our fears seem to be numerous and keep us divided, scrambling for ourselves, when they are really just one fear, disguised in the traumas of the day. My unchallenged fear of death is what kept me trapped in a job that was destroying me, and it was what kept Vulturesong behind a paywall until now. I ask you, just as I must ask myself every day: what would you do, if you were not afraid?
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A liminal space is one of a threshold, a transition where you are not quite here, and not quite there, and it tends to create a remarkable tension within the mind as you hang in between, uncertain (afraid!) in the unknown between two phases. This is where I must make my home, for your true home is wherever you are — it is not a place where you yearn to go because you carry it within your body, within your heart and mind. This is my trial, and I must accept this just as I accept my inevitable end.
Take care and be safe,
Hayden